well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
