I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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