You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
