Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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