8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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