Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
