Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
