woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
