Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
