hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
