a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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