Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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