it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
