Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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