You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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