sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
