sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
