guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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