If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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