How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
