We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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