it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i dont even know how to be here
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
