wrigley field is MILF paradise
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
