i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
