yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
