All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize