she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
