Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
my poor anus
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
