Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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