From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
