Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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