i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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