hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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