How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
