dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
