Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
