so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
