You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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