I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
