your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
