youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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