walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
