I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
