no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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