perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
not ubering you a puppy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
