You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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