I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
