ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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