dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
