im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
