I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
