Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
