If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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