is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
try to milk me bitch
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