My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
