Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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