she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
