meet me or not, i'm out of control
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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