Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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