I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
