And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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