Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
