i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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