I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
