We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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