i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
