Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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