Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
