I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You ruined the universe
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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