Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize