I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
