At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
