im six kinds of drunk right now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
